Closing the Last Chapter
Accomplishments... "I want to acknowledge myself for..."
- having a rich and varied experience here and in my whole life leading up to this
- overcoming struggles and for the times of enjoyment
- stepping into my own path... especially in the recent years...
- breaking free of other pressures and influences
- exploring and expanding what I thought I was
- making lots of good jokes
- bringing humor to "de-ice" myself
- being with the fact that I feel broken and shattered in a lot of ways... and not pretending that I'm put together...
- letting latent interests emerge and be explored
- reconnecting with practical skills and the earth
- juggling a lot of balls at once... and being a pretty good juggler
- going deep and attempting to access real, soulful meaning in my life... whole-heartedly but not obsessively
- attempting to make things rather than fight against things... nourish instead of becoming embittered or undiscerningly polyanna-ish
- working with people in various realms: gameshifting, fixing up the workspace, communications, projects
- feeling part of a community in a different way than I ever have
- offering the imagination presentations
- for accepting coaching and feedback
- standing for what's going on here when presenting it to others
- hosting Connor
- bringing things into the space
- for being generous with this group in ways I've never been before
- bringing and expressing my enthusiasm
- for showing up like a grown up, and then becoming more than "a grown up" and restoring playfulness
- letting magic be a major part of your life
- making friends with your demons
- Ruben: making me feel so welcome and comfortable at your house
- Pri: for being my ambassador to Chatham, meeting me at the train, welcoming arrival, tour, parents home, etc.
- for staying with yourself with you feel fine or not so fine... to have your full experience
- for being someone who is committing to himself no matter what
- for not being prejudiced in the kitchen... exploring, playful and open
- getting a reusable cup, and using it
- being a bridge to local resources
- setting up and doing the radio interview
- for bringing visitors and sharing with community and brothers
- for being a seeker (and for finding us... and sharing the knowledge you've found in your seeking)
- - like casting the I Ching at the beginning of the labs
- for spending the most time away, and yet for being the first/last, your leavetakings and rejoinings (rejoinders?)
- for all the driving you've done... for all of us
- Ben: for calling me into authenticity and embodiment
- Kyle: for your "clever damage control" and making things easier
- the work you're doing integrating your hard & soft (especially with family)
- for making Mickki cry with your application (when she was reading it to Eric and I on the drive up from Asheville.) I'm sorry. I love you. Please forgive me. Thank you.
- for sharing your gifts and intentions authentically... and dancing with what was needed...
- going with the flow, and trusting yourself
- for your bruschetta!
- your leadership is accessible
- Connor: the multi-dimensional you -- when I arrived I felt we were already friends, and in leaving... that our infinite friendship will continue on other planes
- for our relationship of great magnitude and cosmic wonder
- for practicing calling yourself out...
Completions
- From my time here, I have changed my relationship with death. My old fearful perspective is complete and gone.
- also I release myself from an expectation that it wasn't useful to think about death
- a release from expectations that I would unconsciously follow the programming from parents, schoolmasters, media, etc
- release the fear that I don't have the strength to live with purpose
- completing my idea that I'm a high-achiever... and make space for what authentically wants to show up and be expressed
- releasing a failure to put limits and healthy restrictions during this time -- I can do anything, but not everything
- mark the fulfillment of a promise to honor the experience of being alive
- release of the expectation that I can make my life perfect
- release from the expectation that my experience and lessons would be appreciated by others in my life (especially parents)
- the goal of changing the things for the better
- expectation that I can't have beauty, comfort and wealth... or life would be too easy and I wouldn't grow
- image of self a broken soul / shattered plate -- more like the imaginal cells forming a new organism -- a big happy mushy mess
- my refusal to connect to other people and give a shit about them
- from the expectation that I am not capable of forming long-tem, soulful relationships and connections -- significant others, community
- release the pattern that I could calculate my way through life... merchant mind... rational navigation... minimal investmest and risk
- release the expectation that I'll conform to the dialogue and communication of those around me (web site people, parents, family...) / released from the subtle but damning process of going along
Opening the Next Chapter
Where magic and inspiration are leading me
- grateful that ELL isn't immediately re-opening... creates a new magical window
- attuned to my body and to the earth
- accessing my full capacities of craftmanship
- opportunities for choice / freedom from fear and guilt
- practicing astrology, working with my hands, working in community,
- diving into my new ever-changing and blossoming relationships
- creative projects, writing, humor, bodily performance, dance
- teaching and workshops
- take a trip / pilgimmage (maybe in the winter)
- continue cultivating the relationships which emerged here